Monday, January 30, 2012

The mind wanders...

I was out running the other day... (I use the term "running" loosely. It was more of a rapid mall-walk type thing). Anyway, as I was out by myself, getting a moment to think, I found my mind wandering.

Do you ever have these thoughts? One minute I'm thinking "Gotta keep running, gotta push myself..." and the next minute, without any segue of any kind, I'm thinking "Holy hell, how am I the mother of two children???"

It just suddenly strikes me every now and again that I am an adult. For real.

For the most part, I'm a bit of a goof. I like to be silly. And, despite the grey hairs my head is sprouting, I feel young. Too young to be considered a grown up with real responsibilities.

Sometimes I find my life just seems so surreal. How did I end up with a house and a car? Am I really running my own business? And who the heck allowed me to have two kids??

Anna is mine. Her hair, her pale skin, her 10 little fingers and 10 little toes exist only because of my husband and I. Lauren is ours, too. She's thriving because my body is producing the stuff she needs to live.

We can keep humans alive with our boobs, ladies! This is big stuff, no?

I don't know if this feeling ever goes away. The fact that I have 2 kids, that they're part of me and my husband, that I'm responsible for keeping them healthy and happy and not screwed up in the head... it just amazes me.

Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. I wonder how this maternal instinct just knew to naturally kick in. I wonder how life could possibly get any cooler.

Then I look at their little faces. And I realize I've got a lifetime of amazed feelings and thoughts ahead of me.

And I feel happy to be a grown up.

For real.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

My baby girls

My children are both working their Mama.

Not only is my toddler getting too smart, she has now joined forces with her baby sister to turn me into mush and wrap me around their chubby little fingers.

This morning, as I was laying in bed, I heard delicate footsteps come quickly padding into my dark room. I felt little hands on my arm. And when I rolled over to face the side of the bed and turned on my light, I saw a pair of bright blue eyes, adorned with the most incredible eyelashes, staring at me.

"Pig!" Anna exclaimed happily as she showed me her stuffed animal.

Today was going to be a good day. Anna was in a good mood.

So, as Lauren slept soundly, Anna and I got up and did all our usual things - I made my coffee, started making oatmeal. Anna had a banana, yelled happily about her toys, her cup, the snow outside. That sort of thing.

Afterwards, when Lauren was up, I was in Anna's room putting away her laundry. Lauren was laying on Anna's bed staring at the ceiling, so I asked Anna to come entertain her sister.

"Lauren wants to play with you, honey" I said.

Anna came roaring into the room (as she does) and got up on her bed.

"Boo!" she said, holding up a book for Lauren to see. She opened it up to a page and held it right in front of Lauren's eyes so she could see it. After a minute, she threw the book down and picked up one of her toys - again, holding it up in front of Lauren so she could take a look.

"Ow!" Anna yelled. I turned around to see her holding up her hand.

"Oh... Did you hurt your hand? Do you want a kiss?" I asked. Anna responded by holding her hand up to Lauren's mouth for a minute. I laughed and Anna looked up at me with a smile - happy to find she had done something funny.

Next, Anna decided Lauren would like to see her jump. So she bounced around on her bed - always gentle, always careful - while Lauren lay there, being jostled around ever so slightly.

When we moved into Lauren's room to put away her laundry, I propped Lauren up in her crib with the nursing pillow. Anna attempted to scale the side of the crib before yelling "HOW!" (Her version of "help"). So I plopped her into the crib with her sister.

And then my toddler really got me. She grabbed onto my heart, turned my limbs into liquid and made my entire being melt. With just a few simple moments.

Anna sat crossed-legged in front of Lauren, her hands in her lap, smiling goofily at her baby sister. She pressed Lauren's Ocean Wonders Aquarium, and when it started to play, Anna looked at me, looked at Lauren, smiled even bigger and started swaying back and forth to the music. She patted Lauren's tummy and let out a little laugh. She leaned over and kissed Lauren's head and lay the side of her face on Lauren's chest.

And then...

And then Lauren smiled.

She smiled the biggest 6-week old smile I've seen from her yet. Her gorgeous little eyes lit up. For her big sister.

For the girls, it was just a simple, regular morning.

For me, it was so much more.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Cookie? What cookie?

My toddler is getting too smart.

Today, the little buttertart pulled me by the hand to the kitchen and pointed to a tin sitting on our counter - a tin she has never seen before - and said "coo-ee!" over and over again.

Yes, there were cookies inside. But how the heck did she know?

So I did what Moms do sometimes. I lied to my kid.

"Sorry honey, the cookies are all gone. No cookies! All gone! Cookies all gone!"

She looked at me with a furrowed brow. I got down to her level (as I've been told by experts to do to help her understand what I'm saying) and repeated myself.

"No cookies, honey. Sorry."

She looked at me and started saying something I couldn't quite understand. I kind of stared at her for a moment... Just enough time for her to get frustrated with me. "Mommy! Coo-ee!!" she yelled while pointing at my face.

"I don't know what you mean, sweetie." I replied.

So she touched a spot on my face. And when she pulled her finger away, there was a brown spot on it.


I wiped my mouth and realized I had a huge blob of chocolate chip on my face.

Awesome. I had just been caught red-handed. So I grabbed the tin and gave her a cookie. "Here you go, honey. Have a cookie."

She smiled and trotted off.

I stood in the kitchen for a moment, watching her walk away happily, realizing I had been found out by a 23-month old.

The kid. She's too smart for her own good.

Mama's in trouble.