Tuesday, November 29, 2011

My Mom felt this way, too??

Isn't it interesting how the world just sort of stops when your kid is sick?

You enter into total "Mommy Mode" and it doesn't seem like a sacrifice at all to spend the better part of your night sitting upright in your toddler's bed, 37 weeks pregnant, your neck stiffly resting on the cold corner of the wall, as your little one lays up against you so she can sleep without coughing.

Right now I'm spending my morning sitting on the couch with my little red-cheeked, glassy-eyed Buttertart. I'm also letting her watch as much Max and Ruby as she wants while she drinks water and picks raisins out of the oatmeal I'm trying to feed her.

My poor thing has a bad cold - combined with teething (I'm convinced). And when she feels like this, I find I'm sort of in awe of my reaction now that I'm a Mom. What I mean is - I never really realized the intensity of this crazy maternal, primal instinct that kicks in. I want to make her feel better. I need to make her feel better. I must make her feel better.

I remember when I was sick as a kid, my Mom would run her fingers through my hair to soothe me. She'd sit with me until I relaxed and nodded off to sleep. She would bring me tea and toast and rub my face and tell me she was here for me. And it all instantly made me feel better.

At the time, I just thought my Mom was doing what Moms do. (Don't get me wrong - I was extremely grateful. Even at 32 years of age, there is nothing like my Mom when I'm sick or down or out of sorts.) But now I realize she was doing what she had to do.

There was something inside of her that desired to put my health and comfort before hers.

Which made me realize something else... I'm special enough for her to sacrifice her sleep and her comfort... really? She did this just for me??

Yes. It took 32 years for me to start thinking these thoughts. (I'm sorry, Mumsie!) But I get it now.

And I will be totally patient for the next 30 years and a few months with Anna.

But... if it takes even longer for her to get it? It's okay. Because sitting in the dark listening to her soft breathing for 45 minutes is not only okay... it's quickly becoming one of my new favourite things to do.

You're totally worth it, kiddo.

You can't resist me in a froggy hat, Mommy. You're putty in my hands.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Who am I really?

I’m struggling here.

I’ve been trying to figure out what it is that makes me different from every other mom blogger out there. What’s my angle? What’s my niche?

And guess what I’ve realized?

I’m so not unique.

I’m a white, English-speaking woman. I was born in Canada. My parents were born in Canada. My grandparents were born in Canada. I have a white husband. We have a very pale little 21-month old girl. We live in a big suburb. We’ve got a semi-detached, back-split home. We’re due with our second child in about 3 weeks. And then our little family will be complete. Mom, Dad and 2 kids.

It’s undeniable. I’m a total cookie cutter.

I asked my mom what made me different as a parent blogger (since she always offers a very unbiased and objective opinion of me… as moms are known to do). And she said, “Well, you aren’t a lesbian, a visible minority, a full-time working mom or a full-time stay at home mom either. Maybe that’s what makes you unique!”

She loves me and she’s cute… but I’m not sure she quite understood the question.

So I decided to take a good, hard look at my life. How am I different? Would I call myself cultural? “Honey – remember that time we went to Quebec and ordered our Subway sandwiches in French? We’re so ethnic, aren’t we??”

Would I call myself out-of-the-ordinary? Hmmm… I’m a sleep-deprived mom who wears Lululemons and loves Starbucks lattes. A bit of a dink, perhaps. But different? Maybe not.

Then I realized something else.

Despite all this, I have stories worth telling. I tell them with passion. I tell them with humour. I let other parents out there know that sometimes I mess up. Sometimes I get depressed. But – holy crap – this is the most amazing experience in the universe, and we should be talking about it. We should be learning and growing from each other. We should be enjoying it.

In my older blog, I wrote about my pregnancy and all about Anna’s first year of life.

Shortly after having her, I experienced this moment. I remember feeling it so intensely. And needing to make sense of it all. Did my words help any other new moms? Maybe. I know for sure that it was cathartic.

When I started getting out and about with Anna, we experienced this. And I learned about the power of the simple things in life. Of happiness.

And when Anna had just turned one, I experienced this moment. It made me realize how much my life has changed. How much love I felt. How incredible everything was now – just because she was here.

Sure, all Moms love their kids and talk about how great they are. From that perspective, I may not stand out on paper to the folks at Todaysparent.com. But I’ve got a unique, amazing, incredible life. Every moment I’ve had since getting pregnant with my first daughter has taught me this.

Through the laughter and the tears, each experience helped me realize I’m not the only one going through this right now. Each experience has made me realize how incredibly lucky I am. Each experience has made me who I’m meant to be.

A mom.

And that’s a pretty unique, incredible thing.

Pray for mojo!

So you've probably noticed I've lost my writing mojo.

I haven't been around for almost 2 months! What the what? It's so not like me to not blather on and on about Anna and her lack of sleep or whatever cute (or gross) thing she's done that day. (Yesterday she ate floor food. Don't know how long it had been there. Yes. I'm still Mom of the Year, folks.)

Anyway. I can explain it away with all the typical things... I'm in my last trimester of this pregnancy and tired all. the. time. I'm still working here and there. I'm trying to do my Christmas shopping and get prepared for Buttertart #2. You know - you've heard it all before.

But really, I think I just needed something to light a fire under my behind. I needed something new to write about. I needed the ever-important Something Different to Blog About.

And that's when I heard about a call for new parent bloggers for Today's Parent. But not just *any* new parent bloggers. Parent bloggers who are different. Unique. Enviro-parent bloggers. Dad bloggers. Parents who blog about life raising their quintuplets with their same-sex partner in their small little town.

That's totally me, no??

I'm entering anyway. Stay tuned, folks! New blog post to come!

You lucky ducks.