Isn't it interesting how the world just sort of stops when your kid is sick?
You enter into total "Mommy Mode" and it doesn't seem like a sacrifice at all to spend the better part of your night sitting upright in your toddler's bed, 37 weeks pregnant, your neck stiffly resting on the cold corner of the wall, as your little one lays up against you so she can sleep without coughing.
Right now I'm spending my morning sitting on the couch with my little red-cheeked, glassy-eyed Buttertart. I'm also letting her watch as much Max and Ruby as she wants while she drinks water and picks raisins out of the oatmeal I'm trying to feed her.
My poor thing has a bad cold - combined with teething (I'm convinced). And when she feels like this, I find I'm sort of in awe of my reaction now that I'm a Mom. What I mean is - I never really realized the intensity of this crazy maternal, primal instinct that kicks in. I want to make her feel better. I need to make her feel better. I must make her feel better.
I remember when I was sick as a kid, my Mom would run her fingers through my hair to soothe me. She'd sit with me until I relaxed and nodded off to sleep. She would bring me tea and toast and rub my face and tell me she was here for me. And it all instantly made me feel better.
At the time, I just thought my Mom was doing what Moms do. (Don't get me wrong - I was extremely grateful. Even at 32 years of age, there is nothing like my Mom when I'm sick or down or out of sorts.) But now I realize she was doing what she had to do.
There was something inside of her that desired to put my health and comfort before hers.
Which made me realize something else... I'm special enough for her to sacrifice her sleep and her comfort... really? She did this just for me??
Yes. It took 32 years for me to start thinking these thoughts. (I'm sorry, Mumsie!) But I get it now.
And I will be totally patient for the next 30 years and a few months with Anna.
But... if it takes even longer for her to get it? It's okay. Because sitting in the dark listening to her soft breathing for 45 minutes is not only okay... it's quickly becoming one of my new favourite things to do.
You're totally worth it, kiddo.
You can't resist me in a froggy hat, Mommy. You're putty in my hands.