Monday, January 30, 2012

The mind wanders...

I was out running the other day... (I use the term "running" loosely. It was more of a rapid mall-walk type thing). Anyway, as I was out by myself, getting a moment to think, I found my mind wandering.

Do you ever have these thoughts? One minute I'm thinking "Gotta keep running, gotta push myself..." and the next minute, without any segue of any kind, I'm thinking "Holy hell, how am I the mother of two children???"

It just suddenly strikes me every now and again that I am an adult. For real.

For the most part, I'm a bit of a goof. I like to be silly. And, despite the grey hairs my head is sprouting, I feel young. Too young to be considered a grown up with real responsibilities.

Sometimes I find my life just seems so surreal. How did I end up with a house and a car? Am I really running my own business? And who the heck allowed me to have two kids??

Anna is mine. Her hair, her pale skin, her 10 little fingers and 10 little toes exist only because of my husband and I. Lauren is ours, too. She's thriving because my body is producing the stuff she needs to live.

We can keep humans alive with our boobs, ladies! This is big stuff, no?

I don't know if this feeling ever goes away. The fact that I have 2 kids, that they're part of me and my husband, that I'm responsible for keeping them healthy and happy and not screwed up in the head... it just amazes me.

Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. I wonder how this maternal instinct just knew to naturally kick in. I wonder how life could possibly get any cooler.

Then I look at their little faces. And I realize I've got a lifetime of amazed feelings and thoughts ahead of me.

And I feel happy to be a grown up.

For real.

1 comment:

  1. I TOTALLY know what you mean! It's such a strange, car, kid(s), job...

    The other day a friend was over for lunch and saw that I was using a silicone brush to marinate the fish I was making. She said, "Wow, you have one of those? You're a real grown up!" Haha

    Do you remember how FREE you were in high school?! And my goodness, all that disposable income from p/t jobs...sigh.

    But I love how you ended the post because I'm happy that I'm a grown up too (most of the time!).