This morning, I woke up grouchy.
I'm still irritable at almost 3 in the afternoon. Tired. Worn out. Blah.
Almost everything Anna does today annoys me. I've yelled directly at her several times already, once causing her to be startled and ask me, "What's wrong, Mommy? You sad?"
Did I also mention I've felt guilty pretty much all day, too?
Why does this happen to me? To us Moms? (I'm hoping some of you feel this way, too?)
I have two good, healthy, happy children. I have a really great husband. I've even got an extremely helpful Mom who lives nearby. I'm not alone.
And yet, I'll have these "oh, woe is me" days where I just feel like laying in bed. But there's no reason for it. And I hate complaining about my lot in life because I know I sound selfish.
So... what the hell? (For lack of a better term). What the hell is wrong with me?
My husband and I chatted about the possibility of me returning to work full time. I was leaning towards returning to an out of the home full time job more than I was staying at home and working part time. But I waver back and forth from day to day.
"People envy what you have, Heather. They want the life you've got" he said to me.
I know it. I know. I know. I know.
I've got it good. I've got it so good. Which is why I can't figure out my bad mood. I should be sitting here counting my blessings, not annoyed by the fact that I'm sipping tea in my lovely bright kitchen while the girls nap.
Is this a "the grass is always greener" case?
Do I just need to shut up and give my head a shake?
Sigh.
Wish I knew.
I feel like this sometimes too. The other day I was telling my sister how unhappy I felt sometimes. And she was like, "um...you look like you have the perfect life from the outside. Nice home, great kids, good job, good husband. What is wrong with you?" But I think that it is because we are being pulled in so many directions, it is hard to figure out our "place" sometimes. Are we still "career women"? Are we spending enough time with our kids? Do our husbands still find us attractive? Why aren't we in better shape? Should we see our friends more? Are we still cool??? It isn't easy, and it often depresses me. It was so much easier when we were just one "thing"!
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