Fathers

Big sigh.

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Here's the thing. I've been busy with work, have had a lot on my mind and have been a wee bit stressed out lately. (But don't go feeling sorry for me... I'm okay, really I am. It's my hubster I'm worried about).

So Andrew's Dad has cancer. It started two years ago, in his kidney.

Unfortunately, it's been spreading. And some of the medications haven't been working. Fast forward to today, and he's in the hospital, not doing well.

It's now in his brain.

Andrew, Anna and I went to visit him in the hospital on Father's Day. It was the first time I'd seen him since he started going downhill rapidly. He really didn't look the father-in-law I know. His face and legs were really skinny. His body was swollen. I was a bit taken aback at first.

But when he looked at Anna - I saw him. I saw Peter again.

His face just transformed. His eyes lit up. He smiled broadly. And he spoke to her in his Grandpa voice, she knows and loves.

He got tired, and asked us if we would mind cutting the visit short. Before we left, I brought Anna up close to him. She wanted to stay in my arms... but we stood right next to him to say our goodbyes.

Peter looked up, his eyes focused on her face, and said to me, "Thank you, Heather. For Anna."

I nodded.

And then he said something that made me overwhelmingly sad... but also content at the same time. He said "I'll be there at Christmas. You may not be able to see me. But I'll be there."

I broke down as I nodded at him. Tears stopped me from saying what I really wanted to say.

I wanted him to know that I knew he'd be there.... That he'd always be with us. Because we won't let Anna grow up not knowing who her Grandpa was. She'll know how he loved pirate stories - Treasure Island, in particular. She'll know that he told corny jokes. She'll know that he was a teacher at one point in his career. She'll know that he was one of those guys that everyone loved because he was so kind and funny and thoughtful. She'll know he was an amazing Dad to her Daddy. And that he always made her Mommy feel special.

But most of all, she'll know that his face lit up whenever she entered the room. She'll know he adored her. She'll know that according to him, she was just the most amazing little girl ever.

I couldn't say it, but I hope he felt it when I squeezed his hand gently.

I hope he knows.

8 signs you're not ready for your baby to grow up

Look at me! 2 posts in one day! I'm so productive and efficient. Weeee!

Without further adieu, my new post...

8 signs you’re not ready for your baby to grow up.

1. You keep calling her “the baby” even though she’s a full-on toddler. For example: “Where’s the baby? Oh, there she is… feeding herself with a spoon, talking to Dada, jumping up and down and filling out her online application to Montessori”. Yeah. She ain’t a baby anymore.
2. You refuse to put away her baby clothes. Sure, you have to use the Jaws of Life to get her into those one-piece footy pajamas. But they’re pink and cute and have ladybugs on them! You’re not ready to retire the ladybugs!
3. You cried when she moved from size 2 to 3 in diapers.
4. You cried when you stopped nursing.
5. You cry when you think about her doing anything.
6. You like to try and hold her in the cradle position, despite the fact that she struggles like an ant flipped over on its back, pushing you away, straining her neck, using her core muscles like she’s never used them before to get up and out of that godforsaken hold.
7. You find yourself saying things like “I just had a baby…” and then feel ridiculous when you have to follow it up with “…16 months ago”.
8. You keep changing her on the change table, even though her head dangles off one side and her legs keep kicking the box of wipes clear off the table on the other side. She totally still fits. Like… totally.

Work, work, work...

Today is Day 20 of the Downtown Full-Time Work Thing.

I fear there is no end in sight.

Kidding. I’m being dramatic. Who complains about having work when you’re a self-employed freelancer?? I’m crazy. I know.

Anna seems to be adjusting finally. Mama – on the other hand – still isn’t. I mean, I don’t mind it I guess… It’s fun to be in a vibrant, exciting part of the city. The lunch options are awesome. The shopping is great. I get to talk to grown-ups each day.

But the truth is, I’ve discovered that I’m one of those people who really likes being at home with their bambina.

Yes, I got a bit squirrely during the winter months (I’m chalking that up to cabin fever). But in the end, I like the routine we have going at home.

I like getting stuff done around the house. I like playing outside with Anna, or going new places with her. I like doing my freelance work while she naps. And then playing some more before Andrew gets home for dinner.

Sure, there’s no security. I make less money. I never know if I’m going to have a paycheque coming in or not…

But having time to run errands is great. Getting to see as much of Anna as I possibly can while she’s still wee is awesome. And – let’s face it – chilling out in my lulus can’t be beat.

So, what about you guys? Do you like getting out into the Real World every day? Or are you more of the stay-at-home types?

And if you’re the stay-at-home types… what sorts of things do you do with your kidlets to fill the days?

My 16 month old (almost)

Anna's going to be 16 months old on Saturday.

(Pausing to let this fact sink in to the first-time Mama who can't believe her little wee baby is a walking, gibberish-talking TODDLER already!!!!)

In honour of Anna's up-coming month-a-versary, a little recap...

My 16 month old:

• Is about to get her 5th tooth. It's *just* about to pop through the gums.
• Says things in the most SERIOUS way. Complete with hand gestures, furrowed brow and everything. Of course, it's all gibberish. So far, all we can decipher is "Ah-dah, adah!"
• Fully understands what we're saying to her. Like - "Anna, is it time for a bath?" Her answer? Quickly hustling up to the bathroom, yelling excitedly and then trying to climb into the tub, fully clothed.
• Would probably starve if bananas weren't invented.
• Has just started wrapping both arms around my legs and sticking her head in between my thighs in classic, little-kid fashion. So. Cute.
• Likes you to know - in no uncertain terms - when you are sitting in her chair.
• Loves water. Hates juice. Has a slight allergy to milk. (But also loves it.)
• Would rather chew on her toothbrush than brush her teeth. But really, really loves her toothpaste.
• Climbs up onto EVERYTHING.
• Loves books, her little table and chairs and her shapes puzzle.
• Has taken to pooping right after we put her down to bed for the night. I think it's her way of saying "Um... no. I'm not ready for bed yet, thanks."
• Has soft, soft skin. And even softer hair.
• Is apparently starting to look more and more like me lately.
• Adores being outside. (Just like her Daddy).
• Is THE BEST little human that ever lived.

So says her very unbiased Mom.