Sunday, May 1, 2011

Are these really my boobs from now on?

I'm back! Here's a post I wrote about a month or so ago. I also entered it into a writing contest, so I was waiting to see if I would win before posting it here. Guess what? I didn't win. Crazy, crazy contest people. This stuff is gold, no?? It's gold!! Enjoy the read.


They say your body is never the same after having a baby.

Pre-baby, I would think, “Well, who the heck are they anyway?” as I rolled my eyes. Really? Come on. How different can your body be?

To which I now say: Ha!

My sweet little pre-baby self. She was so innocent and cute, no? She thought such adorable things. Let’s all look at her with knowing smiles and pat her head whenever she says, “I don’t believe it”.

As much as I hate to admit it… the clich├ęs? They’re all true. Before having my child, my body was decent. I could stand to lose five to ten pounds or so, but I was fit. Nice, perky boobs. I only peed when I wanted to.

And now. Oh… now.

My baby is almost 14 months old.

And I’ve experienced all of the following first-hand:

I have not lost 20 of the 38 pounds I gained during pregnancy. (ACK! It’s been over a year, people!) The weight did not fall off easily from breastfeeding. Lies. Complete lies.

I’ve only had my period twice. (Hi… Hormones? Can you regulate at some point soon please? M’k? Thanks.) On a side note – woo hoo! On another side note – huh. I wonder if I’m pregnant this month.

My boobs are both Nell Carter-giant while extremely soft and floppy at the same time. This seems to be scientifically impossible.

Oh. And I pee when I laugh, sneeze or jump up and down. I thought this was only a joke used in movies and TV shows for cheap laughs. Turns out it's true. Hurrah! I'm so excited.

(Also? If my husband uses the term “snissing” to describe something I’m doing one more time, I fear that all the romance will be officially gone from our marriage.)

I’ve also got a few of the typical body changes – you know, the stretch marks, the ungodly amount of hair loss (I’m still shocked I’m not bald) and the sexy muffin top.

So, I think it’s safe to say that “they” were right. Your body isn’t the same after baby. Not even close. And, if it is, you’re not human. You are most likely part droid, and have much bigger problems than floppy boobs.

The funny thing is, before I had my baby, when I asked a friend about the whole “ripping” phenomenon of birthing a child (with complete and utter horror clearly visible in my eyes) she answered, “But it’s all so worth it.”

I nodded and smiled. But at the time, I didn’t understand what she really meant. I knew it sounded like another one of those things everyone tells you about having a baby. But I didn’t quite get it.

Not until I had my little girl. And experienced a million seemingly small moments first-hand.

Like this morning. I went into my daughter’s room to get her up for the day, and her entire face broke into a smile. She shot her arms straight up in the air as I got closer to her crib, showing me she really, really wanted me to hold her.

She wrapped her tiny little arms tightly around my neck and brushed her soft, sweet cheek against my face. I could feel her head nuzzle into my neck and her body soften against me.

And she stayed like that. We stayed like that.

It was then I realized that motherhood has changed so much more than my body.

I’m now the lucky and loving recipient of gummy grins. I get to kiss chubby elbow dimples whenever I want. My days consist of tickling soft tummies. I’m an expert in styling cute, wispy bed-head hair and cleaning up cheerios. I now know all about that unconditional, undeniable love my friend was telling me about.

And, most importantly, I have a lifetime of moments like I had this morning.

The snissing is so worth it.


  1. Sorry you didn't win. But I still love this!

  2. I'm blubbering into my lunch at work. I love this too!

  3. I love this, you should have won. You are a winner in my books! As always, I enjoy your blogs, keep 'em comming girl! Hope to see ya soon! Susie