Here's the thing.
Anna's 14 and a half months old. So it's not like I'm brand, spankin' new to the Mom thing. (I'm not "seasoned", but she's not a 2 week old little buttertart anymore...) And yet, even though I've gotten into the groove of the Mom thing, I still find myself slightly depressed now and again.
Can you get postpartum depression 14 months after having your baby?
Actually, I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm depressed. But I have these moments where I fluctuate between: "I freakin' love my life! I'm so lucky to be home with my baby and watch her grow!" and "What the heck am I doing? Why do I feel so lonely and down?"
I think part of it is not having friends or acquaintances to interact with on a daily basis. I mean - I see people on a daily basis. But talking to the lady at the Metro check-out just ain't the same as having a discussion with a friend. Or a coworker you really like. Or a Mommy buddy you used to hang out with.
I'm also trying to juggle taking care of Anna full-time with working freelance, training for a half marathon, working out, trying to lose weight, keeping the house tidy, my constant battle with laundry and fitting in conference calls and meetings with the folks in the outside world.
Not to mention the fact that I'm always worrying about whether or not Anna's getting enough interaction with other babies, if she has enough opportunity to learn, etc. etc.
But mostly - it's the lonely thing.
I'm a social gal. I'm just not used to not having friends/family to talk with or spend time with. When Andrew comes home from work, I descend on him and instantly start asking him a billion questions, just so we can chat. (Poor guy doesn't know what's hit him sometimes).
I always feel busy. Yet I also feel down at times. The answer isn't going back to work full time, because I really don't want that. But I'm sort of at a loss as to how to turn this whole thing around and start feeling better again.
Anywho. Sorry for the Monday morning pity party... I just felt like I needed to unload.
Do any of you guys ever feel this way? What have you done to fix it? Am I just suffering a case of the winter blahs? Or do I really need to make some kind of a change in order to be 100% happy again?
I don't know.
But I do know this: Anna's napping. It's time for me to make another coffee and curl up on the couch for a bit. (This is the part where I totally love my life.)